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I’ve never felt any thing remotely resembling sisterhood with White women. Friendship, affinity, fondness, love—sure. Sisterhood? Nah. That sense of loyalty, interconnectedness, accountability and shared struggle simply isn’t there.
That lack of sisterhood haunted me at times during the 2016 election season. As Election Day approached and Secretary Hillary Rodham Clinton emerged as the frontrunner, I waited to feel something. Some sort of connection between her and me, some sort of emotion tied to the likelihood that a person who shares my gender expression would be the "leader of the free world." It never came.
However, the absence of that sisterhood never felt more real for me than it did when I learned that 53 percent of White female voters cast a ballot for a man whose bigotry was, perhaps, his greatest selling point. I never expected that White women by-and-large would favor Clinton over Donald Trump because she promised criminal justice reform or would do more to protect the rights of people of color than her opponent. But I did believe that Trump’s incredibly public misogyny—manifested in attacks on women’s looks, a boast about “pussy” grabbing and promises to prosecute people who seek abortions—would have made him less than favorable. Silly me to expect self-preservation to take priority over racism, I suppose.
Of course, much of the post-election news cycle was dominated by White folks wringing their hands: How could this happen? Why did it happen? There was lots of weeping and wailing from women who could get the answers to those questions by simply asking their relatives, friends and partners who put Trump in power. As fearful as I am for the lives that are most vulnerable in the wake of a Trump presidency (including immigrants of color, Muslims, LGBT people and, of course, Black folks), there was a tiny, tiny part of me that felt a tiny, tiny bit of satisfaction at seeing how sad many White women were. Finally, they got to know some semblance of the pain and anguish that accompanies our lives in this country.
But when I learned that some of those women had decided to channel their disappointment into a “Million Women March,” my twisted moment of pleasure quickly gave way to a familiar sense of annoyance. Once again, the labors of Black folks (in this case, the 1995 Million Man March and the 1997 Million Woman March organized by Minister Louis Farrakhan and the Nation of Islam) were being co-opted and erased by clueless White ones. And just what would this “million” women be coming together to march about—their mothers, sisters, homegirls and friends who elected Trump in the first place?
The name of the march did quickly change and a group of women of color that I deeply admire signed on as co-chairs. They are now the face of the event and among its lead organizers. For me, this sparks a few conflicting feelings. On one hand, I think of Tamika Mallory (former executive director of National Action Network), Carmen Perez (executive director The Gathering for Justice), and Linda Sarsour (executive director of the Arab American Association of New York) as living and breathing superheroes. They are the closest our shared home of New York City has to Wonder Woman, Storm and Misty Knight. People who are open to hearing from them and who allow them to lead will benefit from doing so.
On the other hand, I’m really tired of Black and Brown women routinely being tasked with fixing White folks’ messes. I’m tired of being the moral compass of the United States. Many of the White women who will attend the march are committed activists, sure. But for those new-to-it White women who just decided that they care about social issues? I'm not invested in sharing space with them at this point in history.
Will the Women’s March on Washington be a space filled primarily with participants who believe that Black lives matter? I’m not sure, especially considering the attitudes of some who have publicly stated that they don’t want to hear calls for attendees to check their White privilege at the proverbial door.
Thus, I am affording myself the emotional frailty usually reserved for White women and tapping out this time. I’m not saying that I will never stand in solidarity with masses of White women under the umbrella of our gender, but it won’t be this weekend. Managing my depression is a complicated daily task, one that will certainly be exacerbated by the presidential inauguration festivities. It won’t serve my own mental health needs to put my body on the line (a body that I believe will invite more violence from Trump supporters than paler attendees) to feign solidarity with women who by and large didn’t have my back prior to November. Not yet. Eventually? Perhaps. But not now.
I’d like to see a million White women march to the grave of Harriet Tubman, Sojourner Truth or Audre Lorde, or perhaps to the campus of Spelman College to offer a formal apology to Black women. It’s time for White women to come together and tell the world how their crimes against Black women, Black men and Black children have been no less devastating than the ones committed by their male counterparts. Perhaps the Women’s March on Washington will provide the grounds for the level of catharsis required to make that happen. If anyone can plant the seed, it’s Mallory, Perez, Sarsour and Janaye Ingram, the march’s head of logistics. But I just can’t make my way to Washington D.C. this weekend to find out.
Maybe next time.
Jamilah Lemieux is a writer and the vice president of Men's and News Programming for InteractiveOne. Follow her on Twitter: @jamilahlemieux
149 Comments
Thank you for expressing so well what my adult daughter and I were just talking about today. I think you touched on all the points. This was immediately posted to my FB page, since half my FB friends are white women. Peace.
I have been going on about this for weeks about the lack of attention to Deaf/Disabilty/Mad intersectional issues in relation to the march being organized in my city. I feel like I am back in the 70's quite frankly - the unbearable whiteness of being.
I'm a white (ethically Jewish, but whatever) male, and I just read your well written piece with sadness and compassion and no thought that I have the right to weigh in on your decision.
Black lives do matter, and our society doesn't reflect that, and I believe it's important to keep fighting until that changes.
IMO Trump supporters are, to put it baldly, fucked in the head. They are either racist themselves, or they don't care about racism. They lack critical thinking. They are brainwashed into thinking that Trump is somehow on their side.
And I am appalled by white voters who thought he was an acceptable choice. I'm even more appalled by white women who voted Trump, and baffled by the black and Hispanic voters who voted for him.
All I can say is that I reject the people who reject you, I'm marching today and I hope you keep making yourself heard.
And I replied to the wrong post. :) Meant to reply to the OP...
Thank you for your transparency, your frankness, and this thoroughly honest piece. I love how you addressed the issue that I struggling with articulating yet moving beyong my feelings and still trying to march. But know that this rings dear to my heart (due to some recent microagressions that I have faced) and forcing me to consider why I am not paying to truths vs participating in a social event meant to provoke change that many are to afraid or not willing to address. Thank you for making me think and think and think so that I can the right decision.....
The march in my opinion will not be attended by any women that supported that person in November. It appears to be a movement of those that VOTED and want their voices heard.
The women(and men) that supported him will be there Friday for him. I don't think they would take the time for such an amazing event.
She is not talking just about white women who voted for Trump. She is talking about those of us white women who have kept quiet for decades and JUST NOW decide to be active. And even though we are sincerely interested in equality for all, I think perhaps it feels like it's too little, much too late.
Well it's not like women(in general) were allowed to have a voice, since they were considered inferior to men for many centuries. So how could they protest about...anything, really?
Attendance is not an obligation, so what's the big deal? Too over analytical. Red shoes or black shoes. It is each individual's decision. Everyone always wants to be so profound with soul searching and introspect, sheesh. While a million people might show up and show out in DC on Jan 21, there are countless millions who won't, and you'll be one of them.
Good for you, Jamilah! I can totally appreciate where you are coming from. For me, I refuse to participate in anything other than a massive boycott. I strongly believe that protests are great and meaningful, but we are in different times and most only understand dollars as their bottom line and once we recognize that, en masse, we win!
Your willingness to lay bare your feelings on this subject is more than admirable. The...exhaustion that I feel in trying to understand and then explain my identities and loyalties as a Black woman is almost unmatched. It is true that there are so many areas in which the movement (this movement, all movements?) are lacking and it doesn't help us to continue ignoring the discrepancies.
I hear you Jamilah. I'll never pretend to fully understand or know your experience or position in life-nor you can mine. But how fragmented can we be? At some point we've got to get it together!
I offer my deepest apologies.
You are 100% right. White women have been self absorbed and unenlightened. Thank you for holding us accountable. For calling bull shit. This is what is needed, a frank and honest assessment of the situation. I am actively listening and I hear you. I agree with you and I am taking responsibility. I am stepping up.
Please continue to offer your dialog. Thank you for your strength, honesty, and wisdom.
To be honest, I think that most women, black and white, do not understand the nature of hierarchichal violence. As a child rape victim I have found women, both black and white, equally sexist and non supportive of a rape victim and it doesn't surprise me that white women are equally racist too. To be honest with you, I wonder how many black people have huge issues with internalised hatred in the way that women do and that this might account for some of the black on black crime figures. The proliferation of hate media such as porn is driving a resurgence of biological hatred that has taken over from the bible in backing white male supremacy. The rest of us that aren't pale and male have taken to snapping at each other's throats rather than overthrowing the people in charge.
I hear you and I think we all (but especially women of Color) need to practice self-care. My personal opinion as it relates to this March is that every person is marching for their own unique reasons. There is power in the sheer number and diversity of who has signed on to put their bodies on the line. I feel certain that none of the 53% of White women who voted for Donald (I'll never give him the respect of using Mr. or President-elect) will be marching. With regards to the co-opting of culture in the early stages, it was ignorant and insensitive. The fact that our voices were heard on the subject and that women of color with pedigrees in social activism are now coordinating and driving the effort shows that we can move forward together. That doesn't mean all our interests are aligned but the respect of intersectionality is evident in the unity principles, the speakers and the spirit. I am Black. I am a woman and at this March I won't have to choose.
I thought the marches were for all women to join together for women's rights (equality, healthcare, and safety) and to protest the misogyny, bigotry, Islamophobia, homophobia, and racism demonstrated and supported by Trump and the GOP. I didn't realize there was any attempt to make it a white women's march. Is it because the women who started it originally were all white, or was it explicitly presented as a march for white women? I hope you will still join as opposed to boycotting the march. We're all in this together, and each individual has different issues that are most important to them. There will be some pro-lifers and Republicans too who still join because they want to march on behalf of ALL women. The more women we have, the more they'll hear us roar we won't back down when it comes to rights and equality for all. All races, nationalities, orientations...standing together! Even if it started without mention of specific groups, it does now. Please march and bring your daughters, friends, spouses. We can all continue to learn from and support each other.
It was not ever a white woman's march - it was a woman's march so we can stand together to see the change we want. This author has changed it to seem that way to fit narrative -- the march was from the start designed be inclusive. Was it perfect no, few things are in their infancy and in this case it came from a group of women who had an idea but little experience in what was needed to make it happen. I respect anyone who chooses not to march, it should be their choice, but I don't respect people misrepresenting those of who are, nor do I respect the idea of blaming all "white women" You are right we need to learn from and support each other - but that is a two way street.
Why not blame all White women. White people are fine with blaming all Muslims of all Black people when some of of us err. But you all always want to avoid your own rules applying to you so this lack of integrity is par for the course.
Please do not cheapen yourself this way. It is never a good idea to justify doing something unethical just because you see someone else doing it. Integrity is a challenge, but please do not let other people's poor choices encourage you to treat those people any less respectfully. You only have control of your behavior and attitudes and they are accountable for their's.
Don't tell us, "We're all in this together now" when anything that didn't affect your cis-het, White self wasn't your damn problem.
And when have you ever done something for people who were not black, or cared about an issue that affected people other than black people? Get off your high horse.
Thank you for sharing. I'll mull this over more in the coming days (weeks... Months...)
I understand your points. I assume the march will be attended by women like me, who work hard to educate their friends and families and enemies to the realities of life for all people in this country. Who stand for Black lives matter and who bring up issues that make white people cringe. Im attending this march not only to fight for all women in this country, but to show white men and women who voted for satan- especially the ones that to this day wont admit it and are unable to explain why- you will not win. You are not just fighting the changing demographics of this country- you are fighting white people who dont live in a bubble and who care about humanity. You do not represent me- and I won't let you take us all down. You can sit in your living room and watch me march in DC and know we are coming for you. We will target and educate your children to want more for themselves and all children of this country. You will be inconsequential. Black women can sit this out if they want- I get it and maybe I'd do the same. While I understand why, I am still disappointed that progressive women are still not in a place to stand together in this country. I hope that by the time my daughter is voting age, there will be a sisterhood of progressive, loving, and strong women of all races she can call her own. The conservatives have seemed to nail this shiz down. Thicker than thieves in their hatred. I hope we will get there too.
I am a white woman participating in the March on Washington... At first glance, I was highly offended by the tone of this article. I will be crashing at the apartment of an African American friend of mine in DC (who is also participating in the March). Once I let your words set in though, it dawned on me that this was a perspective I hadn't even really considered or thought about prior to reading this and your points are incredibly valid. This will certainly make me more mindful of what my fellow African American marchers are going through and leaves me with the notion that we, as white women, need to do more. I support Black Lives Matter, have hit the streets of Chicago to protest police killings of unarmed black men in my city.... but I know that's not enough. The question is... will it ever be enough?
Just so happened to see your piece while listening you to 1A, while I empathize with your mental health journey, I wish you could see this march as a unique opportunity to bring people into the fold. I admit to a certain discomfiture with white women talking about POC but I am getting over it. I am done talking about white privilege. That can be someone else's job. If white women want to walk my journey with me, I've got a spot for them on my left and right side.
Girl, you took the words right out of my mouth.
I'm sorry you feel that way, Jamilah. I wish you felt encouraged, empowered, and safe among women and men who care about you and what you need to have a productive, fulfilling, and joyous life. That's who will be at the March on Saturday. Homo sapiens don't understand people they don't know. It's only when we live together, work together, talk together, play together, and join together to fight for what is important to us that we recognize our common humanity. I'll be thinking of you on Saturday. We will march for you.
This is a helpful article in many ways, honest and direct. As well, there have been some good points made in the above comments. Nevertheless, as long as progressives continue to divide themselves off from each other and fail to make common cause over various concerns, the right will continue to win. They know how to get together.
Jamilah. I hope you change your mind. This is a rare moment in history where real intersectionality and understanding might happen.
This opinion/commentary is EXACTLY what DT wants to have happen. We are clearly weaker in smaller numbers. This is what Apartheid was very successful at doing. Pick apart the majority, fractionated into parts we are much less powerful. Can't be too righteous to stand up for women's, minority's, disabled, LGBT's RIGHTS right NOW!
Your solidarity is to the 57% of white women who do care. Don't turn your back on us. This is personal.
Just to remind you, only 47% of white women voted for Trump. That's part of what I understand to be part of the issue here. And it's certainly an issue for me, one of the 47%. As a Jewish woman, I know most of us voted for Clinton, since 75% of Jews did. And now Jewish organizations are getting bomb threats on a regular basis. So far, they've all just been threats, but that might not remain the case. We have to be clear that we stand for - put our bodies on the line for - ALL vulnerable people, not just "our own."
I meant only 47% of white women voted for Clinton. Sorry about that.
Actually, only 53% of the white women *who were eligible to vote* actually got out and voted and sadly cast their vote for Trump (and 47% of the *eligible* white women voted for Hillary). That's a half of a half, really. It's a tiny fraction of the overall population.
We have 320 million people in this country, and only 6.2 million of those prefer orange. That's 0.02% of the population rooting for the Toupee Man. The ONLY reason he's in power is because the rest of the eligible voters didn't bother to do their patriotic duty, and because this country, for some bizarre reason, doesn't go by the popular vote (in which case we wouldn't be having this conversation), it goes by some archaic notion called Electoral College votes.
Yet another reason why we ALL should be out there marching.
White women turn their backs on women of color all the time. THAT is where your focus should be.
You are more racist than the most racist white person. Hell, even your user name is divisive! How many black people voted for the white candidate when Barack Obama ran in 2008 and 2012? Less than 5%. But that is ok, right?
Thanks for getting my blood pressure up and re-upping my rage-energy to tear down this fascist patriarchy and replace it with intersectional justice. I will be at this march and at every subsequent march and you can come or not, whether you think I am worthy of marching in solidarity with you or not. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr
I consider Jamilah one of the best of the crop of current commentators/journalists. Her courage under (actual and soon-come) fire is so very inspiring. Thank you, Jamilah, for not only fearlessly sharing your own truth but that of others.
I am marching and believe that Black Lives Matter and that Muslim American and LGBTQ rights matter. I hope all will come out while we have not historically stood united, we must meet this immense challenge with the idea that united we stand, divided we fall.
I am of Middle Eastern decent and identify as white and brown.
Me, too. I'm Puerto Rican and I'm marching for my disabled daughter - and for any other woman that's ever suffered oppression. I believe it's the first time that all parties have been encouraged to attend. I'm going to support that.
I won't be going to the march because I can't afford the travel. If I had the $$ I'd seriously consider going, despite my disabilities. I am mixed race Black, Native and Polynesian and understand about the lack of solidarity issue but for me the questions are 1) would the march make a difference? and 2) is it the responsible or "right" thing to do. I aspire to never let the actions of White women (or anyone else's) deter me from doing what I think is "right" and effective.
I'm glad you will be taking care of your mental health, of course. And if it helps please know that the other 47% of white women, those of us who voted for Hillary, are the ones out there marching. Together with you we WERE and are the majority that hate the idea of the inauguration that is now coming up. We will be there to stand with you whenever you're ready.
I have worked for non-profits and in public health my entire career, I voted for Obama twice and am deeply saddened we are losing him, I have been politically and socially active in causes I believe in that affect many women for years: reproductive rights, affordable childcare, paid family leave, and equal pay.
Initially, I supported Bernie Sanders, later voted for Clinton, yet understand what you mean about not feeling a sense of connection or pride in her as a female candidate. That kind of connection with a candidate forms if he/she has integrity, authenticity, and displays a genuine concern for other people.
This essay conveys a sense of disgust and dismissiveness for those of us that have worked for social justice our whole lives if we also happen to be white. The fact that 42% of white women voted for Trump enraged me, but 54% voted for Clinton.
Attending the march is a personal decision and I can't wait to go, but I realize that it is only one day and that sense of camaraderie will be largely fabricated. However, I'm of the mindset that going forward those who value equality and economic and social justice are going to need all of the help they can get. After all, currently 40% of this nation still unquestioningly supports Trump no matter how many monumental missteps, hateful tweets, or poor decisions he makes.
I pray that making progress together will take precedence, but it sure doesn't seem likely after reading this essay.
Just to remind you, only 47% of white women voted for Clinton, meaning MORE white women voted for Trump, the pussy grabber sexist, racist, anti immigrant, anti Muslim, mocker of people with disabilities, than for Clinton. That's part of what I understand to be part of the issue here. And it's certainly an issue for me, one of the 47%. It's important to get our facts straight and acknowledge how horrible it is for a woman of color to imagine that most white women "got over" all Trump's racism, etc. and voted for him. John Legend shook me (and I agreed heartily with him) when he said on Bill Maher the Friday after Election Day, "Most POC couldn't get beyond Trump's racism, and now we can't get beyond all the white people who could" [get beyond his racism].
For the record, the white women who voted for Trump are a minority of white women, not a majority. Remember, 90 million voters stayed home, and millions more were not registered to vote.
Right after the election, the first thing I did was look up the statistics. Not only did the 53% stat tick me off, so too did the "special breakdown". Where white women were broken down according to education level, we were lumped together in one stat. I started a conversation on the Facebook page of this march and straightaway pointed out the lifting of the name. I had other white women call me a troll and to "not engage me because had an agenda". Still I pushed and ended up getting one other black woman and about 70 white women to discuss this march. For the most part they were receptive until I told them the reason why I wasn't showing up. The other back woman in there was in agreement. The overarching problem was the intersectional nature of this march that white women by and large are ignoring. They were not receptive to criticism. So rather than waste my breathe I stated that until they were willing to acknowledge the exclusive nature they were employing, they could expect to see low turn out among women of color.
It is so moving to read real civil discourse. I love the gently waving line of reasoning throughout the article and comments. Pros and cons revealed aspects of the true complexity of our race dilemma. Thank you Jamilah Lamieux for your insights and thank you readers for your thoughtful, compassionate responses. May we all remain open to the opinions of others.
Okay. I have to confess I am a white man wading into difficult terrain. I have been trying to promote husbands and fathers and even my boys to March with the women we respect, care about and admire. I have been hearing from them....why should we March it's a women's day or Isn't this a girl or women thing? Men are whimping out... It infuriates me.
In my mind I intellectually love the sentiments of this author. Practically it reminds me once again of the left's inability unwillingness to unify. In the last election I was harassed ridiculed attacked on left and right for fighting like hell for the Democratic candidate. The attacattacks came from all directions. From fellow progressivessocial workers people in my family friends and colleagues. Everyone has their grievances. Yet in order to protect the basic human rights we all value the grievances need to be addressed while at the same time common bridges created. This is how we lost.
In her passionate argument she linked all white women together and failed to differentiate. Equally she failed to recognize people of color in the African American community, Latina community and other communities were not "all on board". Many people skipped or worse many crossed lines in places like Florida and Michigan to make a Trump presidency possible. Yes white women are not entitled to run, lead and speak for all women...point noted and much work, hard painful work to do....but until women see their common threats as more important then their internal differences we Wil struggle to unify and beat back forces of darkness.
I feel sorry for the mothers wives, sisters girlfriends of the men too proud, cowardly, scared or indifferent to support those who always lift them up (got their backs) and I'm sad that women feel disempowered at a time when coming together is essential to our common humanity....to say with a unified voice not on our watch assholes.
You actually tried to shift some of blame onto people of color. And you wonder why the rest of us won't just shut up, sit down and embrace your self+centered "solidarity."
Ah yes, black people can do no wrong. All of the worlds' evils are perpetrated only by white people. Blacks can only ever be the victims of hate, but never the ones who hate. You can't get over your own hate to see that you have a distorted view. During the civil rights movement, American Jews stood with black people to fight for civil rights. What has the black community done for Jews? Ms. Lemieux expresses her "annoyance" with the audacity of white women organizing a million woman march on Washington because it hijacked the original idea of the Louis Farrakhan and the Nation of Islam to hold the "Million Man March." Farrakhan and the Nation of Islam spouted nothing but hatred and violence against Jews, whites, Christians and homosexuals. But as long as he is fighting for black people, its all good, right?