In a powerful essay over at Bustle, Mikki Kendall breaks down what it feels like to be a mother in the precarious minutes, hours, days and months between the time when Darren Wilson shot and killed Mike Brown and now–after a St. Louis grand jury declined to indict Wilson.

Here’s a snippet:

“In other words, you do everything you can to help bring this crisis to public attention because, while you’re waiting for justice for one mother’s baby, you have to keep your hands busy and that might as well be doing the work of trying to make the world see how violently threatened all of our Black babies are. And that’s really what it feels like to be a Black mother at this moment in America: Complete terror at knowing the real vulnerability our kids face simply by existing, pressing urgency to do what we can to illuminate and solve the conditions that create that threat, and desperate outrage when justice isn’t doled out fairly.”

You can read Kendall’s entire essay over at Bustle.