Jaya Sundaresh is tired of trying to make sense of conservative Indian-American commentator Dinesh D’Souza, so she’s offering up a Dave Chapelle-esque deal. No strings attached. Here’s why:
Put simply, D’Souza is the best of the best. He’s the crown jewel of Indian America, and trust us, he’s all yours. He’s a proud graduate of Dartmouth Univeristy, which is totally not a frat-infested wastehole. He worked for the Reagan White House, as a policy advisor. He did that right out of college, too. Such a smart boy! Oh, and he might have been born in Mumbai, but this brown beefcake is all-American, baby. He was proudly naturalized as an American citizen in 1991 and has been demonstrating his love for America ever since.
Dinesh doesn’t just take a rosy view of America, he really likes white people. Like, all white people. (Hear that, guys? That’s you!) Colonialism was A-OK in his book. The problem with African colonialism is that it didn’t last long enough, according to Dinesh. And India’s colonization by the British, well, that was just necessary, as it helped India progress into the modern age. So you definitely won’t get any of that annoying white guilt if you hang out with him. Heck, if you steal anything from him, he’ll probably just thank you for trying to civilize him!